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| Being HappyFor the last couple of months,i have met her it changed my life completely around..at first i try to stay as paitient as much as i can,with everything that she said or watever i have always believe that i will someday be by her side,taking care of her..just being able to see her happy makes me alot more happier and makes my life complete,altough she may have her flaws but what kind of human dosen't have their own flaws?
it has been such a long time since i felt this way again,the last time i actually felt this way was a couple years ago when i finally acheive something in my life which i really wanted,but with that i have always want better things :) now with her i am just really happy about everything,even when the days go wrong i would still say at least she is by my side and making my day alot more better than it is :)
Last week,altough we got into some arguement i was very very happy that everything worked out in the end with me and her,i was actually very very afraid of the end decision of the quarrel,but in the end she told me that everything is gona be alrite and we both explained our sides of the story :) and i was really really glad that things work out with us in the end,she told me that now i seen the bad side of her would i still love her?my answer was yes right away without no hesitation because the things that she did for me was too good compare to only some flaws she has for her bad side,everything about me n her just seem so perfect eventough it wouldnt be but we both would work around our edges just to fit each other's need.
Never felt so complete in my life,thanks to her :)
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| Did not felt itLately,everything has been going pass my head very very fast and everything has been boiling up,my anger issues somehow kinda got ticked again i dont really know what was going on but as far as i know i am trying to make everything go by so i wont hurt the person i love the most,i love her to death yes but this problem is kinda reacting to me lately,i don't know weather its the sleeping issue or whatever but i just can't really tell everything much,having to slept at 2am and wake up at 3am just to type this somehow sounds wrong to me but i will do anything in my power that i can to rather hurt the person i love the most.
I don't know weather its the feeling of wanting some attention or is it just a phase but that same feeling seem to return to me all over again,i require more attention and more maintaince :( i am just trying to be myself but i guess we will have to see how everything goes :(
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| Mr Step Daddear step dad,
it is not that i hate you,but towards all of the things that you have done just makes me anger so much towards you,i appriciate everything that you had done for me for so long but there are things that are just making me cant see through it.
the things that you did at home like not washing anything up and letting my mom do it is just totally inexcusable,if there is a man out there that calls himself a man or an husband he would not ever ever ask his wife to do his dishes and so forth. The thing irritates me the most is that you sit at home doing nothing but infront of the computer telling everybody that you are "busy" doing your "work" or whatever it is called is just plain stupid,honestly i have to say that it has been a year since you found a job and you never intended to try harder i guess,being a year without a job you have never seem to want to find something else to do instead of just mopping your ass around the computer.
for example just now when i went downstairs,everything was just everywhere and whenever i cleaned up you would not appriciate it because you would just make more mess,i told my mom why she never came up and told you about the mess but you just seemed to get some anxiety attack after that,i dont get why when you have those so called "attacks" you never wanted to take medications for them or is it because you just love those "attacks",telling everybody you are going to kill yourself and send me stupid emails saying i dont understand anything to tell the truth i find that really childish tho. Lets just face it all you want is your freaking attention.
A real dad dosent nag about how his son cant drive his car,a real dad dosent say that the son cant drive his car,a real dad takes every responsibility for where his son is going and never say about not having time for his son,a real dad basically is not you..eventough you are telling me that you are trying,all i could say is that i lost all respect for you because you never done a single thing that actually made me respect you even the slightest bit. All you did is tell me how you so called want to be my "dad" and in actual fact you even told me how you dont want to be my old man,and let me tell you this here and now,you are everything my dad was and everything my dad will ever be,the only thing that differenciate you from him is your skin tone.
Whenever you told me not to finish some food because you bought them is just plain childish because you could afford more and why would you want to just fight over little food like those?
i could name a million things that you did that makes me hate you so much but for now i will just stop here,i dont care weather you would have an anxiety attack after you read this or whatever you have to know this for yourself.
sincirely
the boy that lives in the house with you
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| inside my brainits so funny how a little email would shook me up so badly,i have always take things to the heart no matter it is good or bad,or bad or worst..everything that has happened i never once forgot about it,i had start to think about tien hao too,one of my closest buddy that has been taken away from me by the sea..everything that had happened btween us i had never forgot about it not even once has it ever been slipped trough my brain,not a day i never go thinking about those times where i spend all those time on kenyalang park with everybody else.
i don't know what i should think recently,i have been really really scared about everything..not only one thing but everything else too,if theres something that is wrong with me i hope to find out soon.
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| family problemsi remembered when i used to know this quote that says "everything comes with a price" i guess the happiness in my life too comes with a life,everything that i have right now that makes me really happy and complete comes with a complete price of family troubles.
things with my step dad aint getting really well too,last year around summer time..stuff like this seemed to happened too thats paticularly one reason why i dont let my headphones out of my head whenever he is around,to tell the truth,he just annoys me so much..everything that he said and do is just very overwhelming to me,there was once my grandma and my brother told me that "white people always do something simple and makes it really complicated" and to me i felt that that was exactly true,everything about it was true too..well not all white people are like that but just this paticular one that i live with just kind of makes everything around so simple to make it so complicated,dont get me wrong he is a nice guy..but overall i think that he is just utterly trying too hard to be "my dad" and he should understand that i grew up without one and i would end up without one,with or without him.
to my mom,my step-dad is just making her stress worst and worst day by day,the other night she had just told me that she has chest pains and i honestly say that she should take a vacation for abit,like go back home for a month or two,she has been so stressed that i myself is worried about her..she has alot of things on her mind at the same time too.i sure hope she will break through this stage
she send me an email explaining about rules in the house which she told me everyday which dosent really makes sense to me,cause she knows that i dont bring beer to the room and such,just because there is an empty bottle there dosent mean i drank it all or something eh,and she told me not to stay in the room the whole time and not help clean around the house,the matter of fact is that everytime i clean is swear that my step dad would step in and mess it all up again,i am actually kind of sick and tired of him messing up the house so frequently that i am giving up cleaning the house,but that dosent mean that i would stop cleaning the house dont get me wrong,but he certainly need to learn how to clean up his own shit,justl ike today he walked into my room,pulls the sleeping bag out,and left it on the floor all around while i was standing there looking at him,the funny part is that he could actually smile at me and walked away just like that.
living there for a year now,just explains why my brother cant stand staying at home all the time and try to vent,but i seriously dont blame my mom for being stressed at this state because she carry the weight of the world on her shoulders,but she also have to know that i have something called a life and something called schedules as i dont have any free time at all due to everything that i am doing.
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