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| Last night was one of the best night i will never ever forget in my entire life,it all started at 3pm at the park sunshine session with us setting up and dropping down some tunes from dj shah and as well as other anjuna favourites,alexia and david arrived about 4 something to spin and we were having so so much fun while they were playing,honestly i have to say that i was very very impressed with their set,along with ralph from beatdrop music they were killing the decks.
Me and wilson were up next,i have to say that we perform extremely well last night with favourite tunes like daniel kandi's on a good day remix and as well as our own rework like the unprepared bliksem,or our version of atb's long way home,the vibe was great people was great everybody was having fun,nobody was complaining and everybody just got together. Apart from that Hans and Bonebrew drop a very very good set after us when we deided to move down to the baseball field. This party just reminds me that life's simplest things are free,and people just getting together like this and just partying just made me super happy :) i was so glad that everybody would come together and just have this awesome vibe going on :)
I love and cherish each and every one of you,and i will never forget that magical day that this happened
love
elvin
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| 2 weeks down the road,i have gone through so much..so i decided to delete her from my facebook,from my phone from everything else that i could keep in contact with her because everytime when i tought about her or even see her,my heart just drop and my life just ends..for like 5 seconds i wud have those flashback in the back of my head and i cant do anything about it.
it all started out when i flew all the way to wisconsin on her birthday to suprise her,on day 2 she told me she like some guy which she knows for like a couple years now,but the funny thing is that she only sees him less than like 5 times a year maybe because she hardly goes back,i dont know anything about this guy..and throughout the whole relationship i was trying to prevent something like this from happening but the main thing is happening infront of me,i told myself i give her 4 weeks to think about it maybe when she returns to california she will see how important we are to each other and all that,but in the end her mind hasnt change at all,i dint want to tell her to choose me because that seems very selfish,i told her that i want her to choose but no matter what i want her to pick a choice because i don't want to be lead on or to lead on the other guy,if this whole thing went thru her mind and she still could'nt pick me i guess this whole 4 month was a waste,nothing was worth it,every single little thing that i did for her are to down the drain,with nothing else..2 weeks after we came back,i finally had enough of it..at night i was looking at the fire scar that she gave to me in wisconsin 4 weeks ago,she told me that she could'nt pick because she dsoent want to hurt either of us and that she dosent want to be blame for the decision that she did,how can a person be more selfish than that?putting themself in a state higher than anybody else and expect me and him to do the decision for her. I could recall the pain just like last night and when i was screaming in pain at night all she did was to write letters to the guy?to tell the truth where was i?where was i then?where did i stand?what did i do to deserve that? well to make it short she basically tried to spit fire and spit it towards me and my arm was severly burned pretty bad.
i saw the burn that wilson had from about a year ago when we started to spin fire poi and basically it never went away and i personally think that the scar would never go away,not once in my life have i ever raised my voice at her,not once in my life has i ever raised my hand at her..and i had to take all of the bullets that were flying my way like a super humanbeing. Just thinking about how i call her and end the whole thing kinda put me in the mood for some loud minimal trance,i just basically finally have the balls to stood up to her and tell her all the things that i have been keeping for so long when i was with her,and with all of that i have no idea what came to me when i saw her coming over to my place and grab her stuff i felt so depressed,i decided to ask her about how it would be like if we were back together,and she told me that the things i said were so nasty that she could never looked passed it but have she ever tought about the things that she said to me and not once have i ever tought about breaking up with her or not looking through it,i told her that for once in my life i have to think about myself and think about my own well being because i cant just take this emotional rape anymore,it felt like i have been rape several times..that was how bad my feeling god,so instead i told her that if she was going to vegas with patrick and dylan i wont be going,but we will see what happen to that and for love evolution i finally have the balls to told her that i dont want her in my ride and she told me that she will never ever forgive me,so that was settled..i decided to delete her from every part of my life,i am just curious about how she could live with that decision in her life?well i guess it was her lost afterall.
I am known as a fast recovery person so i guess my life would soon bounce back and i will be on my way to the highest mountain again :)
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| Selfishness is devotion to or concern with one's own advantage or welfare to the exclusion of regard for others. Science and religion both teach selfishness: That the first rule of life is self preservation, which results in "me first" and the creed of materialism. Selfishness results from the original sin of separateness (separation).Selfishness are a primary or sole concern with one's own welfare. It is the stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others. | | |
| Have you ever stand on a crossroad?and take the time forever to think about which way you would want to walk?i have been standing here ever since the 1st time i heard about the news,every night my eyes lay awake my brain sang me a melody of sadness,i want to look away from this road but i have nowhere else to look at,honestly i want everybody to be happy in the end and walk along with me while being happy..i have no idea what to think of myself anymore,for the most recent nights i have had the most nightmare in my entire life,every night a new theme occurs a new situation appears..i felt so scared,never felt so scared in my entire life at all..eventough i am sleeping next to a person i felt as if i wasnt there at all,my soul wasnt there..i wanted to tell myself that i am fine and that is only a nightmare but i could not do anything like that just because the fear is so overwhelming that i cant even look away.
Standing in this crossroad i wish that i would never have to choose,my friends all told me which road i must pick but it all comes down to my own heart,i know which one i have to choose but i rather not see it. Went to the strip club last night and i remembered what my grandma used to told me,do not hate,we have enough hatred in this entire world,everybody hate each other because we are different,everything we do is different,life is different,i always always will have that in my mind..To tell the truth i have no idea what i should think anymore,what i should even do anymore i just felt so lost in this crossroad even before i taken it.
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| in just 7 days,i am going to see her again,in just 7 days, i get to be with her again :) i had just miss her so so much after 7 days not being able to touch or to see her.
recently i have no idea why but somewhere deep down inside of me i always want something better for her,something better for her and for myself,i felt like no matter what i did was never enough..is that something bad or something good?i wanted to be there for her birthday or so i will try which is this saturday. Theres just a part of me inside that wants everything to be better and better just for her,day by day i have just read her blog just because i want to know what she was thinking eventough she was not here,i guess this is what you call deeply in love with somebody eh?
last week,i manage to pull off a suprise bday dinner for her as i dint know weather she would find out or not cause i was keeping it in such a low key profile and everybody dint knew who was coming too,i am glad i made her felt happy n that she could leave LA without any problems in her mind,just one tough which was her letting me go for two weeks :)
recently i have been working in alot of new tunes for my podcast,not only that but the next podcast date is scheduled to be on the 25th of july which is this saturday for her birthday :) been planning alot of travelling too so when i come back from wisconsin on august 15th i am heading to vegas on september 11th and also san francisco on october the 3rd which is also the day of the love festival,i would love to head to seattle for freaknight on october 31st too if i got the money and such.
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